Life with kids is…special. It is hard, it is tiring, and it is crazy in ways I would never have imagined 17 years ago. I don’t know if my strangeness was inherited by my children, if it is a result of “nurture” and they pick up the weirdness from our environment, or if kids are just inherently odd. Likely, it is a fun combination of all of the above. I have caught myself saying things that no one should ever have to say. “Please stop coloring your nipples with that sharpie marker and finish your homework!” for example, or “Who drew this picture of a butt on the baby’s butt?”
In the course of my 17 year parenting career, I have read dozens of parenting magazines, What to Expect When You’re Expecting books, child development textbooks, and mommy blogs. It is only the latter, and only recently, that the authors ever “got real” about parenting. All the books and magazines prepared me for how to pack a labor go-bag, explained the physical changes during pregnancy and the developmental milestones of babies, and gave me Pinterest-worthy toddler craft-time ideas. No one ever explained what to do when my 5 year old sticks a Lego head up his nose, or how to mitigate the damage when my 3 year old loudly explains to his new friends at the library how Daddy likes to wrestle Mommy in the nude, complete with descriptions of body hair and funny sounds.
To that end, I decided it might be fun to write a themed blog post every once in a while addressing the humorous but weird side of child rearing. This morning, I was inspired by my four year old daughter. She proudly exclaimed that she had drawn me a picture. The conversation went like this:
H: Hey, Mom! I drew you a beautiful picture. Guess what it is?
Me: Ah…people in bunny ears dancing around a big…um? With a bunch of smaller…uh…heheheh…